I’ve fallen—hard.
In relationships. In leadership. In trying to do the right thing and failing anyway. I’ve stayed in situations far past their expiry date, and I’ve also walked away too quickly, out of fear, pride, or not knowing how to handle what was in front of me.
Sometimes it was beautiful. Sometimes it was a slow, silent unraveling that left me ashamed, confused, and unsure of who I was to a certain degree.
And while the business world would prefer I keep that private—tucked behind leadership jargon and professional armor—I’ve come to see that everything I’ve learned about leading people has come through learning (and failing) to love them.
Yes, love. Not strategy. Not charisma. Not KPIs.
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Petar Dunov, the Bulgarian spiritual teacher also known as Beinsa Douno, believed that love is the foundation of evolution—not just spiritual, but social and personal. He wrote:
“Love brings life, wisdom brings light, and truth brings freedom.” And I can’t think of three things more needed in business right now: life, light, and freedom.
In Dunov’s teachings, love is a force of becoming. It’s not sentimentality. It’s a conscious act of aligning with something higher, even when our egos are kicking and screaming. According to him (and I’m paraphrasing), if one is not growing in love, one is not growing at all.
And that got me thinking:
What if love is the most underdeveloped leadership skill we have?
And what if we approached it not as something you “have” or “don’t have,” but something you train—like a muscle, or a mindset?
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I’ve loved people deeply. And I’ve hurt people—sometimes without realizing until much later, sometimes knowing I was doing it and not being able to stop myself. That’s hard to admit. But it’s the truth.
So why am I putting this here, on a platform where we're usually supposed to talk about “leadership lessons” and “impact” and “growth”?
Because I’m starting to believe that love—how we give it, receive it, withhold it, screw it up—is deeply tied to how we show up in business.
Maybe even more than we’d like to admit.
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I’m Not Sure When I Started Making This Connection
It might’ve been when a client shared a struggle with their team and ended the story with, “Well, it comes with the territory.”
It sounded familiar—because I’ve said it too. About conflict, loneliness, disappointment. About the sense that leadership demands a kind of emotional isolation.
But what if it doesn’t have to?
What if the territory of leadership isn’t just strategy, performance, and decision-making, but heartbreak, guilt, grace, and learning how to keep loving when it’s messy?
What if the best practice ground for leadership isn’t in an MBA program, but in how we navigate relationships—romantic or otherwise?
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Psychologist Dr. Brené Brown says that vulnerability is courage, not weakness.
Tony Robbins talks about how “success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure.”
And honestly, in my experience, every meaningful leadership trait—resilience, empathy, self-awareness, patience—was sharpened not at work, but through love.
Or loss. Or shame. Or starting over.
And the truth is… I’m still learning. I don’t have all the answers.
Sometimes I catch myself emotionally withdrawing at work because of something that’s actually rooted in my personal life.
Sometimes I try to “lead” by fixing or managing emotions instead of sitting in discomfort with someone.
Sometimes I fear being too much, or not enough, or just plain unlovable—yes, even at work.
And maybe that’s something more of us feel than we let on.
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We talk more openly about mental health now, which is good. But often it’s in the language of burnout, balance, boundaries—which are valid. But not always the whole picture.
What about the emotional exhaustion of trying to stay strong when you're actually falling apart at home?
What about the quiet guilt of knowing you’re not being the partner, friend, or parent you want to be—because you're pouring everything into being the leader you think you should be?
These questions don’t have easy answers. But they feel worth asking.
Because the split between personal and professional is, in many ways, a myth.
Who we are in love is who we are in leadership. And if we’re numb, reactive, guarded, or avoidant in one… we’ll carry it into the other.
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So I’m Wondering Out Loud...
• What would change if we viewed love as a leadership skill, not a soft afterthought?
• What if our biggest leadership breakthrough isn’t a new strategy, but learning how to stay when it’s uncomfortable?
• What if the real “work” is not just building better businesses—but becoming people who know how to love better?
I don’t have a clean 5-step framework for this
/althought, I am tempted to offer a synthesis that would perhaps emphasise on:/
1. Presence Before Performance
2. Vulnerability as a Strength
3. Reflection, rather than Reaction
4. Love as a Discipline
I just know that when I’ve tried to lead without love—without reflection, without care, without vulnerability—I’ve felt disconnected. And I think people could feel that, too.
When I lead from love—even when I mess it up—it lands differently. It feels more human. More real. And maybe that’s enough.
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I’m not writing this to preach. I’m writing it because I’m still figuring it out.
So I’m curious:
- How has your experience of love (in any form) shaped who you are as a leader?
- Have you noticed patterns? Do you believe there's a connection at all?
Let’s talk. Not just about goals and KPIs. But about what’s underneath them.
Because maybe the strongest leaders are the ones who keep their hearts open—even when it hurts.
A conversation worth having.
Love and respect,
Valentina Dolmova